Hi 👋

Feeling angry & upset as I write this, as you know I’ve been having pain the last 1 year. I went for many test / scans/ ultrasounds. I had an appointment with doctors today.

Sally went with me. I was met with ableism ( no change there ) un compassionate, class A arsehole. Who did not give a shit or take in my autism & adhd. As soon as I got in the room & before I could sit ma arse down. He said I know what’s wrong with you. I tried to convey myself of how I was feeling and its hard for me to explain and get the right wording out. Also my face and expression don’t match my emotions. I got told I was aggressive. I am not. Its more frustration wondering why I have been on pain for so long. He talked to me like absolute shit , and made me feel 10x worse. He kept asking me if I been hit ( this was asked 7 times ) I don’t know what his angle was. I kept saying no. He also blamed my 10 year old tattoo on my pain ( I know right, what a twat) I don’t know how he worked out that and came up with total bs. To add to that with his asked why I have wee hunch, it knocked my confidence for six. My pal Sally put her foot in it saying I have a private physio. And he wanted the deets. I weren’t giving them, none of his bussiness. No amounts of physio or yoga or stretching is going to fix my scoliosis, I can only manage it. Unless private surgery is paid for at 15 grand to put a rod in my back. But its only 50% and not that bad. I can’t win with the doctors if I don’t exercise or if I do exercise. The stereotyping I got from him today. Asking the have I been hit like I am fighting or something or because I have tattoos that I come across as aggressive or tattoos are the cause of my pain apparently ( a tattoo from 10 years ago ). Being told I am aggressive i would never hurt anyone. I would hurt myself more than anything.

I have never faced this much hostile or aggression or un compassion from any doctors like this before in the surgery being judged for me and having tattoos and art on my body is a form of expression and who I am and its my canvas and journal. I am very comfortable in my own skin and how I look and what I wear. I am not a fighting aggressive type. I don’t get into fights. I don’t do fights. I will only do verbal.

This experience i have had today has left me very upset & feeling the worse. Being judged on who I am. Because it didn’t suit my doctor. I am fucking tired of this constant hostile ableism. I don’t why I bother going to the doctors I really don’t. It sends me into a frenzy and makes me feel utter shit. My new diagnosis he gave me was Chondritis its like rib flare up and no amout of physio or yoga or anything is going to help it. But I can manage it. I am on a waitlist for a steroid injection thing. For the pain clinic.

P.s sick of this shit 😒