Hi 👋 all

So I want to talk about my hypefocus. You can probably gather what it is already ?. Well if you don’t know, I will tell you. Its photography. I may have been in and out of jobs since I was 16 and had more hobbies than I could throw a stick at and gone one to another.

But photography has always been an interest for me. In any format, I was a professional photographer and did a diploma in Harrogate. I was 17, moved back down to Kent. And had my own business ( ie a studio in the bungalow I had. ( but that is the past and a long arse winded story). My point is photography has never gone away from me. I may have left the business side of it. Than went onto the otherside as model. ( yes I’ve been both sides of the camera) strange aye how things work out ).

Than I self taught myself phone photography. I’m not for big techy phones or the latest model. My s9 was second hand from music magpie ( 4 years I had it ) still working. But I got another s9plus ( bigger memory) and I like the camera and live focus mode. Plus I’m not for one being trapped in a 3 year contract and paying stupid amounts a month( i am on a sim only does me fine) phones just brought out right and paid with klarna.

Anyway I’m waffling and not actually taking about what I should. But yes photography has been in my creative bones and mind since I was a wee kid. Picking up a film camera and the family hols every year to Norfolk broads. And its been my interest ever since and thats how it started. I was obsessed and enjoyed it. Funny story on how I got on to my photography diploma in Harrogate. I went to the college for an interview for childcare course. And it went wrong ( not me of course) the people that interviewed me for the said course. A lot was said , not that I could not look after wains. But just how ignorant the women was I was a teen and she said I had no experience with kids. And I said this is a learning environment right. I ended up walking out ( maybe things work out for a reason) and that was a sign for me. So few days later I see the photography course. And phoned them up said I was interested and the rest was history. And here I am today picking up a 30/40 year old film camera ( olympus trip 35) and having it as a hobbie / project and therapy.

I have even made another Instagram page. And got a new logo. Like this blog its another Metaphorical child ( got 2 now). And if I can keep my mind busy and doing what I love and it helps than so be it.

Its the best investment i have ever done ( why did I not think of this moons ago ). Yes its costly but its down to film and the process via digital. But I won’t be doing it day in and day out. And you can use expired film too. To give it that vintage feel .

From one autistic to another (self dx ) too. If you have a passion or hypefocus and its something you love doing than do it. This is what I love about my autism/adhd. I am very creative in many ways. I may not be able to play a piano or be great at maths or a genius ( I mean no offence to fellow autistic folk that do ) that’s your creative ways too.

But as much as I struggle in life with the NT built world and the ableist shit and the obstacles and hoops we go though. Photography has always been an outlet for me just as much as being a Buddhist 14+ years ( a way of life & spiritual).

Take Vincent van gogh. ( he may of been autistic ) I’m not playing guessing games though. My point is …. despite his ill mental health and the negativity he faced and being told he never be a good painter or artist. ( sadly after he died he got well know ). But his perseverance and his artistic work and artistry made him the greatest painter we know today. I have a starry night 🌃 tapestry on my wall ( massive) by van gogh. Someone asked why do I like it. I tell you why – van gogh admitted himself to a MH hospital in Saint – remy – de – provenance. 1889. When he mutalited his ear in 1888 and checked himself in. He had the second floor bedroom story floor and the ground floor for his studio. What he saw ( starry night) was in his mind. After what he did to himself . It like he put all of his woes and MH in that painting and its the best known painting in the world & so is sunflowers.

But starry night for me tells me the story of how van gogh after self harm to his ear and himself found therapy though the painting starry night. He projected his inner fears and MH and let it all out. Despite him being in MH hospital. And I will always admire that about VAN Gogh. And that’s why its a favorite painting of mine. Having been an ex self harmer and having ptsd. I find bliss in photography and it gets it out for me . Bit like my poetry does to. Like Dylan Thomas.

So if you find yourself looking at a wonderful piece of art. Explore how and why it came about. Hidden stories are best. Even if there is a sad backstory to them. Don’t just look at art . Find its story the person and just explore and explore.

Anyway I’ve waffled enough today..

I see you in the next one 👀

Peace and love me 🖤