I’ve been lying to myself and lying to everyone else . The part and parcel of having autism. We mask and we do it so well . We think we are fine.

I’m not fine ..I’m a huge mess , due to the lack of support I’m not getting . Nobody is not helping me . Stress of filling out forms etc it’s too much.

Last month and till now I’ve been feeling suicidal , depressed , isolated and feeling like shit . Having PTSD and anxiety I’m getting worse.

The only reason I get out of bed is for the gym but tis not there 24/7 and this horrible thoughts come back.

I’ve tried dealing with it brushing under the carpet but it don’t help . My demons are stronger than I thought.

I made a call to the doctors today I’ve been holding of for a very long time. But today I thought no . I have to be back on the tablets for my own health. Because I will end doing something stupid . I have a past of doing it . 9 times to be exact ( not proud of it )

I just can’t do this anymore I’ve have enough where I’m at breaking point now ..and I feel no one is listening.

I can’t just open up . Because I feel no one gets me . Welcome to autism. What you see on social media and behind close doors are different