So I confessed my masking of 3 years to my therapist . I’ve been living this life of coping putting on this false personer and false smiles etc . Us women are so good at it that’s why we are either misdiagnosed or it’s an another way of coping . It’s bad coping mechanism . I tell people yeah I am fine but I am not. I end up mimicking people just to fit into this false sense of being wanted. I am isolated and yes I have 2 very good friends but when there busy it’s just me and my cats . I don’t want to be in the pub just to have a face to talk to . Its a vicious circle . I read in the paper a lot of people mask just to fit the norm ( whatever that is ) the amount of suicides of people with autism because of this world is either too much for us or the right support is not there or we just over mask things ..you know that saying pleasing everybody..yes that old chestnut. Seriously I am tired exhausted of pretending now . Drained even… no I am not going to be break down or cry or go fuck it . I don’t how to tend this situation of mine because of my processing brain and still autism being new to me . The best buddha sits in silent but the noise is so loud . Like a well in with echoes.. anyway that’s me … venting